I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
