Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Randomize
