Just fell off a train. Bad.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I want a musical about memes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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