Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
