i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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