she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
