I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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