Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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