Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
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I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
His nipple licking is glorious
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