If i come over, it means nothing
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
