Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
