just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
