At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
