I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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