Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
