There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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