How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
