maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
