I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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