i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
