When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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