I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
