Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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