If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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