Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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