i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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