You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think my moral compass just broke
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
