dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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