You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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