Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
