He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
