Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
