No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
