I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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