you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
