Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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