So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
