Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
