I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
