We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
