I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
