take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
