God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
