i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
