thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
