Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
