After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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