i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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