My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just want to make out with him forever
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
