I just pynch a tree in the face
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
