maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
