I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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