here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
