You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
