I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
