He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
