38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
