Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
