he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
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yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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