I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
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I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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