This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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