He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
our cab driver is having phone sex.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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