Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
