Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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