Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
