I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
